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StiL_WaiTinG
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Name: Andrew
Gender: Male
Interests: guitar, girls, music, leading worship, photography racquet ball, vacations, swimming, money, movies, sleeping
Expertise: Well, im slooooowly becoming an engineer if that counts.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Engineering
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  drewi486
Member Since:
6/7/2005
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The question that has been echoing through my heart has been, “ How much have I loved this world?” The things of this earth continue to fade away, yet I find myself held captive by its charms, forgetting what I was fashioned for. It’s been said that the problem of the modern church isn’t that she has become so heavenly minded that she is no earthly good, but that, over the coarse of time, she has traded the knowledge of God for the philosophies of the world, making the foolish things wise and the wise things foolish. Like Esau, I feel as though I have exchanged something of priceless, eternal value for that which is temporal, only satisfying my present yearnings. At first, it is difficult to interpret the insatiable longings of the heart as a gift. But that is exactly what it is, a gift of awareness bringing us to the realization that we have been created for a different reality.
Before my grandpa died, I was told he made the statement, “ I no longer feel like a human being having a spiritual experience, but a spiritual being who has had a human experience.” After hearing that statement, I felt as if the Holy Spirit had sliced through me like a knife through flesh. I couldn’t believe what I was feeling. Through my eyes and probably others, my life was an adequate example of an American-Christian life, but suddenly my perspective had changed. The Holy Spirit was screaming at me, “Andrew! This earth is not your playground! Do you have any idea who you are serving or what is at stake? You have been called to fight on a battleground already stained with the blood and tears of so many!” Suddenly, I fully realized the level of my faithfulness.
I understand that life does not have to be serious and somber all of the time, being “all work and no play.” Nevertheless, we have been called to a life of sobriety and vigilance. I want to enjoy all aspects of life, but I cannot forget why I am here and where I must go. I often pray that Christ would come quickly, yet I live as though I am content with the way the earth is and the injustice therein. As I lose divine urgency, I become alarmingly simple-minded, concerned only with the fetishes and amusements of this age. One day His feet will touch the ground again, and I can only pray that I’ll be found faithful and steady in that day.
When my vision becomes short-sighted, I lose my fervency, becoming more confused with each passing wind of doctrine. I forget what it’s like to lay on my floor weeping in prayer, ever-enthralled with the countenance of God. I become a weary soldier who has forgotten his reason for fighting and lost sight of the mission entrusted to him. Eventually, I fall asleep, fully content with my depth and the gratification of my aimless life.
“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day-and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.” - 2 Tim. 4:6-8 | | |
| My eardrums are pounding
pounding inside
the TV blaring
the airwaves disquiet
and i have been trapped
in this prison of silence
separate, misguided
by my heart's own guidance
an ambiance surrounding
surrounding in layers
all of my questions
with blankets of clamors
attractions, distractions
whatever i wish
to leave reality's
deficiency of bliss
but in the commotion
comes a lack of words
when everything is volume
but nothing can be heard
and out of the babel
my voice has cried
"Where is the path!"
while my limbs remain tied
i'll try to remember
how you had sounded
a gentle, faint whisper
i, at first confounded
like rustling trees
breath-sound so distinct
blown to my ear
to my ear do you speak
Breathe softly and warmly
upon me, please breathe
my heart is thirsty
my soul is in need
call me by name
my ear i will lend
spirit of spirits
do help me attend
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"...I am the light of the world. He who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but have the light of life." - John 8:12
"...I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6
Humanity struggles to find
itself, i understand
to ease the hunger pain inside
the limp i almost forget
relativity i'll use to hide
morality, what i invent
to right what i will wrong
i'm not confused yet
my pleasure will be your pain
my path will be my name
and it will be just fine, you'll see
it's darkness, its all so clear to me
How foolish have we become to think, though we won't say, that we really don't need divine illumination, that we really don't need a salvation from a dark reality.
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| I love being alone sometimes. It gives me time to arrange my thoughts and not have to communicate anything to anyone. I'm introverted at my core, so it's where I find a place of rest. But there comes a point when I become uncomfortable with it. My thoughts become louder and louder, agitating themselves. Maybe you can identify with it. Restlessness develops. Self-awareness: Something about me is wrong, incomplete, even unstable. I'm hungry but I just ate. I'm thirsty but I can't drink another drop. I want to be entertained but the TV is too clamorous. All the chords on my guitar sound the same... It's like a fast, just not as intense. My humanity slowly comes into view.
Since these kind of days have become more frequent, I've discovered the difference between loneliness and solitude. Spiritually speaking, spending time in dry places is a necessity. In these times, I can't "do" anything for God. There's no missions trip, no service project, no church meeting to plan, no worship set. My spiritual life boils down to one thing, listening. The quickest way for me to remember how terrible of a listener I am is for me to take a fast or to simply shut up in a quite room, alone for hours. Simple faith isn't grown by accomplishing all the things that we, as believers, "should do" for Christ. We are not matured spiritually by reading the latest books on the hot topics of spirituality. Faith grows in a secret place that no one else will ever see, where our desire is fulfilled: "I want to be with you where you are." Isn't that the start then? Simply to "be."
"Because 'be' is the beginning of beginning, it's the beginning of belonging, it's the beginning of believing... Like Samuel, the third time I (The Father) called you is the first time I called you. I'm not moving around. I'm right here."
- (prophetically spoken through) Jason Upton
In the book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis made the point that, when we are in solitude with God, we easily become in touch with our present, which opens the window to an eternal perspective.
Solitude and silence can be so irritating because of what it unearths in the human soul, but it is the place where victory is born for every believer.
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| Vacation in June:
    
1. Visited Evan in Boerne with Chris and David. The drive was tolerable. The river-tubing was relaxing. Mrs. Swinghammer's cooking alone was worth the entire trip. I want Evan's Jeep.
2. Drive. Drive some more.
3. Stayed at Mark's Haunted House. Got paid for doing photography with kids. <- How cool is that. Canoed at Caddo Lake with Liz and friends. Received a letter from my Compassion Int. girl! Became addicted to black and white photography. Sat in the road with Cam, Chris, and Vicci till 3am on friday. Went skunk hunting with Mark every other night.
1+2+3-2 = GREAT VACATION!
Movies:
Planet Earth Series: INCREDIBLE photography/cinematography! How can someone deny a divinely created earth after seeing something like that.
3:10 to Yuma: Ehhh...whatever.
Ironman: Loved it. Robert Downey Jr. is the man (of iron that is). Well done movie. Interesting theme of arms corruption/distribution.
The Happening: I actually liked it. I don't think it needed to be given an R rating. Some of the graphic scenes weren't that necessary. Very chilling theme and great writing even though it was blatant propaganda for "Going Green." If you haven't seen it I won't spoil it anymore. I like Shyamalan because he's not afraid to piss off an audience with his unique writing. After the movie, the guy behind me blurted out in a deep southern accent, "Well I don't care. Screw the environment! I'm gonna enjoy life while I can!" It's statements like those that help remind me that I live in the south.
Lord of War: I don't really recommend this one, but it left me with one throbbing thought: Our world is dark, and no amount of government, world relief, or international cooperation will ever fix that. The movie makes the point that, although there are heartless and despicable arms dealers out there supplying weapons for genocides, governments like the US and Russia are just as responsible for weapons distribution. It leaves the viewer with little hope for peace on earth, assuming that God is incapable of such things. The issue that I have with this movie is that it depicts the world that I live in right now (http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/world/war/index.html).
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